I'm sure that some of you have already guessed that potatoes will play an important role in my novel. After all, the cover prominently features a clock, and we all know what OCCASIONALLY powers SOME clocks, right?

(ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS: Electricity, Wind-Up Thingee, Potato, Coconuts.)

Why potatoes? Well, when I was a boy I was fascinated by the Irish Potato Famine. Recently I found myself wondering: "What would an Irish Potato Famine be like on a GALACTIC scale?" I mean, NOBODY has potatoes. You don't have potatoes. I don't have potatoes. This guy, Percival Gynt, he doesn't have potatoes. Even aliens don't have potatoes! But that was just the beginning.

Then I thought: "How many of the characters in my novel should be potatoes?" The answer will surprise you! Unless you guessed "most of them." In which case, you will not be surprised. Because the answer is most of them.

Percival's main love interest is a potato. So is the big bad guy. Percival's mother is also a potato, but she's his adopted mother, so it makes sense.

And I don't mean anthropomorphized potatoes. They're just potatoes. Because: REALISM!

I wanted to include a Mister Potato Head in the story, but I couldn't work out the rights, so I've included a Mister Potato Head inspired character called Senior Head-of-Potato. He is a lawyer, so don't sue me!

All proceeds for my novel will go to a charity I might set up called "Potatoes for Pontiffs." Did you know that fewer than 90% of all popes owned potatoes? We can change that! Probably?

The print edition of my novel will be made from 99% recycled potato paper, unless that's impossible or illegal. I wouldn't want to make the book from 100% recycled potato paper because I don't want people to eat my book.

The last 1% will be poison!

So remember:

My novel will totally be about potatoes. Or a lack of potatoes. Or wind-up thingees. It will definitely NOT be a sci-fi/fantasy/action/comedy/mystery/horror/adventure story about an accountant's galaxy-spanning quest to find an ancient, sentient doomsday weapon before it falls into the wrong hands.

Look for more exciting updates soon!