Also: Obama's best strategy is praise the Palin choice. As in "Finally, John McCain has recognized that youth and vision are more important that the same-old, same-old Washington way of doing things."

What I wouldn't give for a news show with as much intelligence and wit as Olbermann, but with a fierce dedication to context and fairness for all. I mean, Olbermann is great on putting Obama's words and opinions in context, but every Republican gets the same Bizarro-Fox treatment.

"Me am blotchy and tipsy."

It's one of the reason's that I enjoy reading Andrew Sullivan's blog so much. He's a conservative, he's on the Obama bandwagon, and he encourages and highlights opposing points of view.

Okay, his Probama-status certainly helps his appeal for me. But how great would it be to get some smart, funny, insightful personalities of diverse points of view together on TV, committed to rigorous fact-checking, honest disagreement, and consensus-oriented debate.

Like an army of Fareed Zakharias, I guess, but less sleep-inducing.

Like Hannity & Colmes, but with smart, honest people.

Like Batman and Superman in news form.

(Or, um, something like that.)

FOR THE RECORD: Michelle Obama's speech was 8 for 10. Hillary's was 7 for 10. John Kerry upstaged both Bill Clinton and Joe Biden last night with an 8.5 for 10. Obama's speech was great, maybe a 9 for 10, but (surprise, surprise) isn't going to win over Republicans who vote on them issue-type things.

As evidence of my non-look-downed-ness on him, I will now offer a stirring defense of his early-in-the-campaign comment that Barack Obama is:

I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.

*Whew* Okay, here goes:

Obviously, whatever he meant to say, he done said wrong. For example, I have to assume that by "clean" he meant "clean-cut" and/or "squeaky clean" and/or "not dirty like a Republican with five minutes and a men's room stall".

And not, you know, "washes behind the ears" clean.

But is Obama nice-looking? He is what I would call "Politician Handsome" in the same way that Bill Clinton is a stud so long as you don't stand him next to actually attractive people.

Is Obama bright? I don't think that's in question.

And is he articulate? I know that Chris Rock (not work safe) thinks this sort of thing is code for "I am white and surprised that black people know how to talk at all," but with Obama at least, this is no faint praise.

The man is extraordinarily articulate -- as articulate as anyone in poiltics today, black or white. More articulate than me, certainly. More articulate than Chris Rock, probably, though here we're really comparing apples and Chris Rock.

But think about it? Articulate. Bright. Clean-Cut. Attractive. Who does that sound like? Wait, wait! First, who does it NOT sound like?

It doesn't sound like 95% of the politicians out there of any color. Biden clearly wasn't saying, "Oh, look at this cute little kid who's pretending to be a politician."

Others have drawn the comparison more directly since. Biden was, in his own, inimitable, foot-in-mouth style, calling Barack Obama "Kennedyesque." Far from saying that Barack Obama was acceptable because all other black politicans before him were terrible, Biden was making the point that Barack has qualities that set him apart from most politicans, black or white.

Barack would be a compelling figure if he were a white guy with all the same strengths of intellect, charisma, and character. Pointing out that it's awesome that he's all those things *and black* isn't an insult to black politicians or black folks in general.

If anything, it's a simple recognition that most politicians, Biden included, are (literally) less articulate, less bright, less clean-cut, and less nice-guy-looking (*cough* that hair *cough*) that Barack Obama is.

That's not being a bigot. That's being humble.

Which is a rare thing in a politician.

Honestly, I'm much happier with the choice of Biden, who is a politician I've respected (i.e. watched on Meet the Press) for many years now. And he's definitely "more qualified" than Hillary, at least in the sense that he has a greater number of qualifications to be Vice-President.

But the real question with Biden is, "Can he be (Vice-) Presidential?"

Whom he agreed with.

Yesterday, he gave his first big speech as the VP candidate. Obama seemed a little bit off his game in his intro, even introducting Biden as the next President of the United States. (What do you know that we don't, Barack?)

Biden had similar problems throughout his speech, saying the wrong word here or there. "Version" instead of "verdict." "Hearth" instead of "harsh." "Ralty" instead of "Reality."

At one point, perhaps as karmic retribution, he boosted Barack by declaring:

One man stands ready to deliver change we desperately need. A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States! Barack Ameer!

Who is this Barack Ameer person and how can I vote for him?

Well, Biden was working off written notes instead of the Obamaprompter, so these kinds of bloops can easily be forgiven.

More disturbing, if not surprising, was the banality of his speech. He actually started and ended his speech with a Lincoln quote. (Only one rhetorical step above beginning your speech with the words "The Webster's Dictionary defines Vice-President as...")

He also managed to cram the word "dreams" into one passage of his speech six times, culminating with this sad clunker:

As you know, it's not just the millions of people facing foreclosure. It's the tens of million of your neighbors who are seeing the values of their homes drop off a cliff... along with their dreams.

And while he did a good job of boosting Barack and knocking McCain and the current administration, he did occassionally lapse into wild, ridiculous overstatement:

And this may be our last chance to reclaim the America we love, to restore America's soul.

Literally? Well, no. No, we know when Biden is being literal, because he specifically uses the word "literally" in each sentence. Sometimes more than once.

I counted close to a dozen literallys throughout his speech, including three in this passage:

Folks, again, it's not political sloganry when I say we literally can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy written by and for the oil companies, making us more and more dependent from hostile nations on our ability to run this country and literally, not figuratively, literally putting America's security at risk.

This is helpful information for the undecided voter who believes that we only figuratively can't afford four more years of this non-energy policy, and that we are only figuratively putting America's security at risk.

I, for one, had previously thought that our inability to afford four more years of this was merely a metaphor for our nation's sexual impotence.

Thank you, Senator Biden, for showing us the way. I promise to only figuratively hit you with a wiffle bat, should we ever meet.

All jokes aside, the rality is that Joe Biden wasn't chosen for the Veep slot because he's a brilliant orator. He was chosen for the depth and breadth of his experience in national and international affairs, and he was chosen because he won't flinch from painting John McCain with the Bush brush.

For those who are understandably confused, let me just take a moment to reassure you that Biden will only figuratively paint John McCain with the Bush brush.

If he literally paints McCain with a Bush brush, you'll know that something has gone deeply and disturbingly wrong in American politics.

So, to summarize:

Yay, Biden! Go, Obama! Please stop America from going off a figurative cliff alongside the value of our homes and also our dreams.

Q: A farmer and two cannibals wish to cross a river. The three possess a single rowboat. The rowboat seats three. If the farmer is left alone with the two cannibals, they will eat him. How does the farmer get across the river?

Presidents from Clinton to Kennedy to JFK to Thomas "I Treat My Slaves VERY Well" Jefferson cheated on their wives.

 

 

And now we find out that let's-keep-this-in-perspective not-going-to-be-President John Edwards also had an affair? Okay, he's a jackass, but a jackass in the mold of the aforementioned actually-became-Presidents. And the spin I see the news media taking on the story -- that this is hypocricy that somehow invalidates the moral authority of John Edwards' stand against poverty -- is absolutely ludicrous.

The FACT that Edwards lied to the public about an affair does not change the FACT that millions of children live in poverty in the United States of America.

Now, if his platform had been "There are two Americas. One where men are faithful to their wives, and another where they sleep with videographers. America #1 must invade America #2 and leave no survivors!" then, sure, I would agree that he's a hypocrite.

But the truth is that Edwards embraced an important cause and gave voice to the needs of millions of Americans. He did a good thing, and whether he did that good thing for noble purposes or for selfish purposes is very much beside the point.

Two more facts:

FACT: John Edwards is a jackass.

FACT: America needs more jackasses like John Edwards.

But, if I can be allowed a quantum of snark:

ORLANDO, Aug. 1 -- Sen. Barack Obama The majority of Americans suggested on Friday that [they] could accept an expansion of offshore oil drilling as long as it was part of a broader package of measures that would free the logjam of energy bills in Congress.

"[Our] interest is in making sure we've got the kind of comprehensive energy policy that can bring down gas prices," [69% of the American People] said in an interview with the Palm Beach Post. "If, in order to get that passed, we have to compromise in terms of a careful, well-thought-out drilling strategy that was carefully circumscribed to avoid significant environmental damage -- [69% of us] don't want to be so rigid that we can't get something done."

When reached for comment, Senator John McCain offered, "This flip-flop clearly demonstrates that 69% of the American People don't have the judgement necessary to outnumber 31% of the American People."

Among the latter, I must sadly now count Senator John McCain. Pathetic.

This, however, I can respect.

I'm not convinced that expanded off-shore drilling is a good idea, but I'm not 100% opposed to the idea (as part of a comprehensive energy reform bill).

I am however 100% opposed to liars and juvenile name-callers being given a voice in Presidential politics. John McCain has proven himself to be a moral coward who is willing to sacrifice his dignity in a desperate grab for power.

 

 

But mostly because it required you to submit your credit card information even if you only wanted to download something that was already free (like that prequel to that Wes Anderson movie where the girl from the Star Wars prequels was apparently naked but that's not why I wanted to see it, get your mind out of the gutter).

Needless to say, it's awesome, and well worth your time. It's also, after a lot of comedy in the first two acts, a surprising downer in the end. (But in a good way.)

Sound familiar?

Also up at the eye-toons is the first part of the weird floaty flash animation of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon's Watchmen. This is a weird fusion of those flat 60s Marvel cartoons and... Um...

 

 

Well, basically it's just that.

Except they go to all the trouble to animate it and score it, and they just have one guy read all the parts, which is especially unnerving when they intro Silk Spectre.

I'm comfortable with audio books, where the reader is clearly telling the entire story, but this is not that. Instead, it comes across as "Voice-O the Great, Master of All Voices Except For The Ones That He Ca--OH, SHUT UP SHUT UP AND JUST BE HAPPY WITH YOUR COMIC!"

Remember, before it was weird motion thing, Watchmen used to be the greatest graphic novel of all time. Would you like an action figure with that, Mr. Moore?

 

 

If you're willing to tell them your sooper-secrets, part one is free.

 

 

I think I've settled on "upset that Superman now has an unobstructed view into my apartment from the street."

Why did Liberace leave the party before he arrived?

                                              Because he was out of sequins.

 

 

From the Spring Street stop on the 6.

 

 

Please be on the look at for a shifty, fastidious youth with an oversized two-dimensional purple right arm.

I knew there was a reason I bought the same phone that Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf owns.

This must be what it feels like to be a tool twitter.

 
I kid...

The clip made the rounds on other news shows, to a lot of guffaws and "Well, this guy definitely ain't gonna be Veep now." jibes. And, okay...

Guffaw.

What I didn't hear is... well... How are McCain and Bush different?

Because obviously there are differences. McCain wants more restraint on spending. McCain is proposing lots of new policies that Bush has not. (The gas tax holiday, for instance.)

Last I checked, Wolf Blitzer owns a google. Why is he asking surrogates questions that he can easily look up and REPORT on himself?

And why are other NEWS shows running pieces focused on a surrogate gaffe without also REPORTING on the actual substance of the story.

I would call this new approach to news reporting NEWS REPORTING.

And I say this as an Obama supporter.