07.01.08: "Mission Accomplishedish"
With a bit of a cheat...
06.29.08: "Conspiracy of Days"
I was hoping to devote an entry to the origins of the story, but outside circumstances seem to be conspiring against me. Odds are good that I'm only going to manage 29 out of the promised 30 updates this month, but I didn't want to leave you (my loyal/hypothetical audience) without the excerpt I'd been promising.
Direct from the manuscript (with a few quick formatting tweaks to make the PDF a little prettier), here is the current draft of the first chapter of...
- Chapter One: PDF
Repeat, "current draft." But hopefully you enjoy it.
06.28.08: "Compromise"
I am a pretty hardcord lefty, but let me say a few things:
- we should develop more nuclear power plants
- we should drill for oil in the United States as part of a comprehensive plan to transition to alternative energy sources
- we shouldn't confuse plans with promises, nor promises with ideals
- we shouldn't ban handguns, but we should double-down on efforts to keep them out of the hands of criminals
- there's nothing wrong with killing criminals who commit heinous crimes, so long as we're absolutely, positively, 100% certain that they're guilty
- when the telecom industry knuckles to government pressure to commit criminal acts, we shouldn't go after the telecoms -- we should go after the government
- if 5 members of the Supreme Court say something is unconstitutional and 4 say no, we should remember that the Constitution is just a piece of paper with some words scribbled on it, crafted by a group of men who couldn't decide if black people were proper human beings
There are real principles and there are fake principles. Let's not get them confused.
06.27.08: "Looking Forward"
We're nearing the end of this 30 day experiment, which means it's time to start looking forward. As mentioned previously, one of the purposes of the daily updates has been to get myself back into the habit of writing regularly. (And, for that matter, into the habit of completing things, even if they are just these tiny little bits of nothing.)
I'm sitting here now, alone in my apartment. Old roommates moved out last Sunday. New roommate moving in on Sunday. Still wearing pants for some reason. New couch coming sometime next week.
(Sorry trike-fans.)
KEEP READING "Looking Forward"
06.26.08: "Couch or Trike"
At this point, it doesn't look like I'm going to be heading out to San Diego this year. As much as I enjoy the con, it doesn't make much sense to go all the way out there if I don't have: (a) a book to promote, or (b) a book to pitch.
And, to be honest, I'd rather spend a week working on new material than a week explaining why there is no new material.
And while I will miss being at the con, there's one definite upside to my decision. I've saved myself a big chunk of cash.
But what do I do with this cash chunk? That is an excellent question, my most theoretical inquisitor. An excellent question with only two possible answers...
06.25.08: "A Collection of Stuff"
Here are some things that have amused me recently and/or which I have amused others recently in the participation thereof...
Or something like that.
- First off, here's a first look at Joss Whedon's new web thing, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which stars the Doog himself, and if you squint long enough plays as an homage to Vincent from ArchEnemies.
("Long enough," in this case, means "until sleepy.")
Second off, speaking of the AE, here's a bit of oddly timed pluggery. An undergrad from my alma mater interviewed me last week for a blog she's doing as an independent study. Here it is.
Finally off, here is the greatest, funniest, most insightful, most greatly insightfunal thing ever written about gamers and their message boards.
Till next time, may all you oregano be infinite, may all your pirates be Deppish, and may all your blogs be horrible.
06.24.08: "Writing Muscles"
What day is it? Is it the 30th yet? No?
*sigh*
KEEP READING "Writing Muscles"
06.23.08: "Hulk Make Number Two"
So I'm not sure if it's going to make the Marvel team happy that their "if ain't not broke, don't not fix it" Hulk requel, Incredible Hulk, dropped off 60% from opening weekend to weekend number two. The good news is three-fold:
- The original dropped off 70% in week two. In most universes, 60% is less than 70%.
- The new movie is performing almost as well as Marvel's first FF movie. Maybe in Incredible Hulk 2 they can portray the Leader as a big green cloud!
- It may not be #1 anymore, but at least the new Hulk trounced Love Guru. Hence there new ad slogan: "Incredible Hulk. Better Than Crap."
As I've said previously, I think that Iron Man's $300+ million take is largely down to star Robert Downey Jr.'s outstanding performance. If they had cast anyone else as Tony Stark, would the movie have done Hulk/FF numbers? Very possibly.
I enjoyed IH, for the most part, but I'm growing more skeptical of Marvel's ability to capture lightning in a bottle again. I don't think there's anyone out there who can bring Thor to life the way that Downey has realized Iron Man.
And Captain America presents similar challenges.
Even someone like Ed Norton, who brings an arguable gravitas and a distinct point of view, has failed to make a greater-than-Ioan-Gruffud impression on the American consciousness.
Who do they get for Thor? Who has the physical presence to be taken seriously AND the acting chops necessary to... well... to continue to be taken seriously? Unless Triple H is secretly a long time veteran of the Royal Shakespsere Company...
This is going to be a train wreck.
The question is, as a publically traded company, how locked in is Marvel at this point? Favreau is pushing for a 2011 release date so as not to rush production, but Marvel has been pushing hard for 2010 to fit their Iron Man II, Thor, Captain America, Avengers schedule.
Marvel even went so far as to float the idea that they might replace Favreau, which did not go well for them. Fans were outraged at what was, at worst, a negotation tactic.
There's no way that Marvel would intentionally screw up the closest thing they've got to a sure thing right now. Unintentionally? Sure.
The real challenge for Marvel is in three parts:
- Can Marvel learn from its successes?
- Can Marvel learn from its mistakes?
- Are certain problems simply unsolvable?
Who knows. Maybe FF numbers are good enough.
06.22.08: "Fleeting Moments"
Old roommates are out of the apartment today. New roommate moving in next week. So for this whole week we've got right here, for the first time ever, I have my own apartment. Here I am, a man in my thirties, finally living on my own.
Well, on my own with a cat.
Well, on my own with a cat for approximately seven days.
But that means no time to waste! Do you hear that, world? No time! Drew Melbourne's week of independence is now! No-Pants Tuesdays commence on Tuesday!
And sadly end on Tuesday too. (Alas, poor No-Pants Tuesday, we hardly new ye.)
And while I'm making exciting life-related announcements, here's a big one. Starting on July 1st:
- Mandatory. Pants. Tuesdays.
*sigh*
06.21.08: "Saturday Night Stupidity"
Today my brother told me that he has a rule that he doesn't see movies if the titles can easily be turned into fodder for bad reviews. As in "If you like Get Smart, you'll love Get Lobotomy." Or "Turns out there's a reason it's called Get Smart, and not Get More Than a One Star Review." Or "Get Smart? How about Get The Last Two Hours of My Life Back?" Or "I'm not sure who was getting smart in that movie, but I know I left the theater with fewer brain cells than when I went in." Or "Sorry, I don't Get it!" Or "Don't Get Smart with me, young man! I'm serious. Please. Not again." Or "How much worse can it Get?" Or "Bibbldy Zibbldy, Get Smart!" Or "I kept waiting for it to Get better!" Or "But if we all get smart, who will pay to see the sequel?" Or "Get Smart got dumb!" Or "That's Smart-ed!"Or "You should Get Your Money Back!" Or "Look out for the Smart Bomb!"
(My apologies to Steve Carrell.)
06.20.08: "Barack is a Poopy Head"
In the world of political journalism, there is no newspaper as universally trusted and beloved as The New York Post. So if The Post criticizes a candidate, you know it's for good reason.
And that's why I was taken aback by The Post's recent headline:
Could this be true? Has Barack Obama broken a solemn campaign vow and betrayed the voters' trust? The answer, sadly, is yes. I assume. I mean, it's in The Post, so it must be true, right?
After all, The New York Post is the last great bastion of journalistic integrity in modern American news reporting.
And here's a scoop for you! Here are some other vows that Barack "Liar Pants" Obama has recently broken and/or is clearly planning to break the very next opportunity he gets:
KEEP READING "Barack is a Poopy Head"
06.19.08: "Gearing Up for 4e"
Running my first game of fourth edition on Saturday. (Well, more than likely just helping folks put together characters, but...) Friend Daniel pointed out that my "first character" post earlier this month was "very geeky." Which I assume he means is "geekier than writing Gilligan's Island fan fic.
(That's three!)
So, in an effort to sink to new lows of geekiness, here's a PDF sheet that I'll be giving to my players along with the standard character sheet, so they can flesh out their characters' backstories:
Because, if I've learned anything about Dungeons & Dragons players over the years, it's that they like beheading Otyughs, but they love exploring their (characters') feelings.
06.18.08: "Behold My Giant Ninja"
Cat's been scratching a sore spot on her back for the last few weeks, and every time it starts to heal the scratching just make it worse. Solution?
I hate you, Drew Melbourne.
The shirt doesn't actually cover the sore spot, but gosh if the burning hatred it engenders in my cat doesn't distract her from scratching.
And, for those who were wondering, yes, they were out of little kitty Mets jerseys. I checked those first.
06.17.08: "Supervillain Names"
One of the big clunkers in the new not-written-by-Ed-Norton-wink-wink Incredible Hulk movie is the exchange where Tim Blake Nelson's mad scientist character clumsily proclaims (paraphrasing), "If I inject you with these chemicals, you might become an... ABOMINATION!"
Now, you might think that that's the laziest, most forced "how the villain got his name scene" of all time. But you would be wrong. Counting down the top ten...
KEEP READING "Supervillain Names"
06.16.08: "John McCain"
I use to be a big John McCain booster, but that's done now.
A couple weeks ago I wrote about how I'd gone from liking Hillary to despising Hillary over the course of the primary. Some of that was down to her tactics, but a lot of it was down to me not liking that she hadn't joined me in supporting Barack Obama.
With McCain, I think it's different. People use the word "Maverick" a lot with John McCain, and the popular wisdom is that people like him because he sometimes breaks with his party on matters of principle. They like him, so it's said, for his fierce independent streak.
This is wrong.
06.15.08: "(Incredible-ish) Hulk"
So I saw the new Hulk movie this weekend, and assuming that BoxOfficeMojo.com hasn't started spinning tales, it looks like just about as many people went to see this Hulk as Ang Lee's a few years back.
I'll hold off on a full review, but suffice it to say, while not genius, it's certainly more audience friendly than the last one. I suspect this new version will see significantly less than the 70% drop-off Ang-Hulk got going into its Week 2, and everyone at Marvel will throw up their arms up into the air and holler "Hallelujah!"
(Or, if they have Stan Lee's permission, "Excelsior!")
In this movie, they do a better job of exploring what's cool about the Hulk character, mostly by channeling the well-loved 70s TV drama. But, frankly, I don't think they're any closer to the heart of the character than Ang was.
And I'll tell you what was missing. Two words:
KEEP READING "(Incredible-ish) Hulk"
06.14.08: "Tim Russert"
As you've probably already heard, Meet the Press anchor and NBC Washington Bureau Chief Tim Russert died of a heart attack yesterday. Folks who know me know I'm a huge politics wonk, and as numerous talking heads have pointed out over the past 24 hours, Tim Russert was the gold standard for political wonkery.
They may not have used those exact words.
For those of us of a certain age and temperment, Tim Russert was our Johnny Carson. A constant figure, a commanding figure, warm-hearted, fair and decent, incisive, and absolutely at the top of his game.
Over at Politico.com, they've already begun the ghoulish game of speculating who will take over the hosting duties for Meet the Press. In their defense, the main thrust of their coverage is "nobody's prepared to replace Tim Russert."
I would agree with that sentiment, though that didn't stop me and my buddies from having the same conversation offline last night.
06.13.08: "Gift of the Magi"
It's been a while since I've offered up a new reality game. Long time readers may remember such classics as Slogan Squatting or the ever-popular Ugly Shirt. Today I present a new reality game for the masses, "Gift of the Magi."
The rules of "Gift of the Magi" are pretty straight forward. Your goal is simply to inject the phrase, "This is just like 'Gift of the Magi!'" (or some variant thereof) into casual conversation as frequently as possible.
Points are awarded on three bases:
- frequency of use (obviously)
- inappropriatness/irrelevance of reference
- mute acceptance from all listening
Under no circumstances should you compare something to "Gift of the Magi" if it is actually similar to "Gift of the Magi."
And if someone challenges you, you must explain the plot of that Seasame Street Christmas episode to them, where Bert sells his paper clip collection and Ernie sells Rubber Ducky. The recitation MUST be factually accurate, but you're welcome to draw out the narrative in as much confused detail as you'd like. If the challenger either (a) accepts this story as proof of relevance or (b) forgets the challenge all together, you earn triple points.
For repeat play, you can swap out "Gift of the Magi" for "Lady and the Tiger" or Rashomon. You'll need to insert your own choices for the challenge round, but I recommend the series finale of The Sopranos for "Lady and the Tiger" and that one Rashomon-like episode from any given TV show from the 1970s or 1980s. (I'm pretty sure they all did one at some point.)
I know you'll enjoy this reality game as much as I enjoyed making it! Just like "Gift of the Magi"!
06.12.08: "Internet Piracy"
Ahoy! From time to time, in the circles message boards I travel in surf through, the question of internet piracy comes up. We all know that internet piracy is illegal in the United States, but is it immoral?
As someone who's actually produced work that's been torrented, I feel like I'm in a good position to discuss the ethical concerns underlying the internet piracy debate.
That's right: Tonight, DrewMelbourne.com is Ethical Concerns Central! Boo-yah!!!
KEEP READING "Internet Piracy"
06.11.08: "Feels Like Cheating"
Back on June 1st, when I kicked off this whole "30 in 30" shindig, I wrote:
- Alternatively, if you want to lay odds on the first day I miss an update...
Well, I've got my money on the 11th.
So today, in honor of it being the 11th, I offer you this:
06.10.08: "My First Character"
I may have already mentioned (maybe five or six times) that the new edition of Dungeons & Dragons came out last week. I've been flipping through my copy of the Player's Handbook for the past few days, and tonight, because I'm a huge nerd, I'm going to create my first character, live, here at DrewMelbourne.com.
It's now 8:43 pm. Let's do this:
KEEP READING "My First Character"
06.09.08: "Cable Cast-Offs"
It's one of the odd paradoxes of Summer that the less new television there is on the air, the longer it takes me to trawl through my DVR files.
(Well, maybe it's more a matter of quality than spaciotemporal disharmonics. If there are four hours of great television on between the hours of 8 pm and 9 pm on Monday night, I'll watch 'em all before The Daily Show comes on. If there are only two shows in a week that I'm even mildly interested in, then they might just have to sit a while first.)
That's a long way of saying that I just finished watching last Thursday's premieres of Fear Itself on NBC and Swingtown on CBS, two shows that have more in common than just my tepid enthusiasm.
KEEP READING "Cable Cast-Offs"
06.08.08: "This Shirt is My Cheat Code"
A wise man once wrote, "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start." As promised, here's the June Shirt of the Month:
Now available for sale at CafePress.com. For a limited time.
06.07.08: "Shephard's Isle"
Earlier this week, I posted a link to my friend Daniel's Gilligan's Island meets Lost mash-up, "Uncharted", which is basically 22-pages of Gilligan and friends being obscure.
That got me thinking, how would the other half go? That's "You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!" But where's the "You got your peanut butter in my chocolate?!?"
Here then, with apologies to... gosh... well, to just about everyone I suppose... Here is "Shephard's Isle"...
KEEP READING "Shephard's Isle"
06.06.08: "Book in the Onion Box"
Here's an indication of how underwhelming the world is in comparison with how whelming we might like it to be...
The other day I was heading home from work, and I picked up a copy of The Onion from one of those plastic bin things that they have on street corners that are probably called something but that I don't know the name thereof, so I'm just going to call them Onion Boxes.
Anyway, inside the Onion Box, sitting on the pile of free fake newspapers was a blue book. I was curious enough to take the blue book out and take a look at it, and even take a picture for you, my humble mother audience:
I can also tell you this, from my cursory examination of the book interior (not pictured): The book was full of charts and prices for books with obscure names like "Philatelic Catalog of Brazil".
Also the end pages at the end were kind of sticky.
KEEP READING "Book in the Onion Box"
06.05.08: "Your Weekly Nerd Fix"
I feel your pain, target audience. Lost season finaleed last week, and Dungeons & Dragons, 4th Edition won't be in stores for another four hours. What could possibly fill the void?
Well, my friend Daniel Fienberg has written something for you that isn't quite Lost and admitedly has nothing to do with D&D (unless you're desperate to argue over what fourth edition roles Gilligan, the Skipper, the Millionaire and his Wife, the Movie Star, the Professor, and Mary Ann fill).
- Digression:
Striker, Defender, Controller, Controller, Controller, Leader, Striker.
That's right! Finally, someone has answered the age old question, "What happens if you cross Gilligan's Island with Lost?"
And that answer is -- SPOILERS AHOY -- Giligan's Island wouldn't make any sense, either.
Click here for Daniel J. Fienberg's "Uncharted."
06.04.08: "The Marvel Studios Train Wreck Clock"
Okay, so let me just preface this by saying I liked the movie Iron Man, I like Marvel Comics, I like the people who work at Marvel Comics, I like the fat kid from PCU, and I wish them all well.
But Marvel Studios is heading for a train wreck in the next couple years.
That may sound strange, considering Iron Man has already made over $500 million worldwide and is sure to bring in over a billion before its done, between movie tickets, DVD sales, and ancillary merchandising.
But here's the thing. Here it is. The big secret that nobody at Marvel wants you, oh hypothetical casual moviegoer, to know...
KEEP READING "The Marvel Studios Train Wreck Clock"
06.03.08: "Is This Seat Taken?"
A joke:
- Guy's sitting on the subway train, reading his newspaper, not bothering anybody, when this cute redhead squeezes in next to him. She smiles politely, mutters a brief apology, and then puts on her headphones. The guy smiles and goes back to his paper.
Couple stops later, the redhead gets off, and this gorgeous, model-hot brunette sits down. Guy thinks maybe he's seen her on TV before. Of course, she doesn't look at the guy once, but he cannot stop staring.
Couple stops later, the brunette gets off, and without a doubt the most beautiful woman this guy has ever seen sits down next to him. She's a six foot tall blonde goddess with perfect skin and sparkling green eyes, dressed like she's on her way to a cocktail party in Milan. Every guy on the train is staring at her, their jaws literally dropped.
And our guy cannot believe his luck. He's always been extremely shy around women, but even a guy like him can't let an opportunity like this pass. So he takes a deep breath, turns to the blonde, and says, "I'm sorry to bother you. I don't usually do this sort of thing, but my stop's coming up in a minute, and if I don't ask you this question now, I just know I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life..."
"Can you please get up? Because I am dying got to see the girl who sits down after you."
06.02.08: "Barack with a Beard"
There are indications that Hillary Clinton may finally drop out of the race sometime later this week. (Emphasis "may.") This nearly three months after the Texas and Ohio primaries, where her chances officially slipped from "bad" to "no".
She won Ohio and sort of won Texas, but not with the margins she would have needed to flip the momentum or to significantly cut into Barack's delegate lead. From that point, she would have needed something like 70% of all the remaining delegates to beat him, and that was obviously never going to happen.
And yet she stayed in the race.
KEEP READING "Barack with a Beard"
06.01.08: "30 in 30"
Today I'm embarking on an ambitious (for me) new project. Every day this month, I'm going to update this website with new content. That's 30 updates over 30 days, or roughly 30 more updates that you saw in the month of May.
And what kind content can you expect? I'm glad you asked, implied interlocutor. Here's a quick overview...
Politics: Expect some wonky pro-Obama nattering! Who doesn't love nattering? With the Democratic Primary almost finished, and the General Election just beginning, there's plenty to discuss, both serious and silly.
Comics: You all know how much I love comics, and there's a lot going on right now. Final Crisis #1 came out this past Wednesday, Secret Invasion is in full gear, All-Star Superman is winding down, and I think Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam is going to come out someday. Probably.
Movies: I love me some Iron Man movie. I'd probably read the comic too, if it starred Robert Downey, Jr. And we've got plenty of other awesome movies coming this Summer. As you all know, I've been covering movies for a long time, so you're gonna wanna hear what I have to say about the latest hits (and misses)!
Games: The new edition of Dungeons & Dragons is coming out later this week, and I've been devouring the preview material. There are plenty of big changes, some great and some not so great (I'm lookin' at you, lack of gnomish hooked-hammer!), and I'll be offering a full review later on this month.
Humor: Me like jokes.
Doodles: Me also like the doodling.
- T-Shirts: Earlier this year, I started creating a "T-Shirt of the Month." The June shirt will be debuting later this month, but in the meantime, there's still time to buy a "Zap Obama Pow" shirt from CafePress.com.
Fiction: Some folks may wander what I've been up to over the course of the past year, since ArchEnemies came out. Well, later this month, I'll be sharing some of the new (non-bloggy) things I've been working on, including an excerpt from my sci-fi fantasy mystery quest novel in progress, Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days.
Life: My two roommates are moving out at the end of June, so there's likely to be some hecticnessism here on the homefront. Will I be able to pay the rent on July 1st? Find out here first.
So there you have it! If you like politics, movies, comics, roleplaying games, things that are funny, doodles, wearing t-shirts, sci-fi fantasy mystery quest novels, and/or me, you're in for a great month! Alternatively, if you want to lay odds on the first day I miss an update...
Well, I've got my money on the 11th.