11.21.08: "Random Picture Round-Up"
And here's a random sampling of random pictures I've taken with my random cell phone. With limited comment:
Pretty!
Hipster vandals strike again!
This stinks.
Portrait of a Fartist as a Young Man.
Exciting changes at the Empire State Building! When they're finished, the ESB will transform into a giant robot. Take that, monkeys!
Based on informal polling, I have determined that North is the least popular direction to face atop the Empire State Building (or ESBtor, as our new mechanical overlord is now known).
If your building is dirty, don't wash it! Just paint it red. (and by "your," I of course mean "mine.")
And for the love of all that's good and decent, resist the urge to remove the electrical tape and plug the cord into the outlet. You might... accidentally... power... something.
11.12.08: "The Sorkin Presidency"
Depending on who you talk to, Aaron Sorkin based the character of Josh Lyman from The West Wing on then Clinton staffer, now Chief of Staff-elect, Rahm Emmanuel. I've been rewatching the first season of TWW over the past week, and I can see it. But that's only the start of the parallels between then and now.
In the pilot episode, everyone's convinced that Josh is going to get fired for an angry outburst. A few episodes later, he strong arms a rogue congressman into voting his way on an important crime bill. He's smart, he's tough, and he's mean when he needs to be.
And, of course, by the end of the show, he's mellowed considerably and become the Chief of Staff for the incoming president, who just happens to be a young, handsome, minority candidate, full of conviction, but with limited experience on the national stage.
But I'm getting ahead of myself!
What really interests me are these early episodes. When people think back on the show now, they mostly remember it for its idyllic, even romantic view of politics. The characters are smart and honest and dedicated in precisely the way that real politicians just aren't.
(So we think.)
And there's some truth to that. They are smart, and they're mostly honest, and they're staggeringly dedicated, but they're hardly perfect. There's a lot of arrogance, a lot of pettiness, and a LOT of compromise.
Half-way through the first season, the Bartlett administration is still looking for its first big win. An outgoing Supreme Court justice chides President Bartlett, "Yours was an insurgent's candidacy. Now look at you!"
And I wonder if we're looking at Obama's first term. He talked a lot about hope during the election. He talked about change. He talked a lot about sacrifice and coming together to face big challenges.
But his campaign wasn't about big sweeping changes, so much as it was about a rigorous commitment to playing it safe and straight down the middle. Don't rock the boat. Don't change horses midstream.
(And, under no circumstances, don't rock the boat by changing horse midstream.)
Maybe Barack says to himself, "Self, I've already won the presidency. I've already made history. Maybe I should just play it safe for four years." Or maybe he says, "There's no Red America. There's no Blue America. There's just a Big Fat Couch Potato America that wants it's tax cuts and it's football and it's double cheese burgers, and maybe I should just give them what they want."
For most of its run, the West Wing staffers distinguished themselves as good civil servants, but they weren't transcendent figures. Sam Seaborne could write a good speech, but that speech wasn't going to change the world. Bartlett could quote facts and figures about the number of children starving in America, but he never really did anything about it.
And it wasn't that they didn't try. It's just that being the President is hard. And being the President's staff is also hard. And it's not enough to want to be great.
There's a famous moment when Chief of Staff Leo McGarry gives President Bartlett an all-important piece of advice: "Let Bartlett be Bartlett." So the question of the day is...
"Can Obama be Obama?"
Or, to put it more starkly:
"Is Obama Obama?"
I certainly hope so.
11.11.08: "Bench or Tomb?!?"
Hey, kids! It's time for another exciting edition of the game that everybody's playing...
BENCH OR TOMB?!?
This week's edition is sponsored by Trinity Church Cemetery. Yes, Trinity Church Cemetery: The only church cemetery within spitting distance of the surprisingly anatomically detailed Wall Street bull statue. (Google this at your own hazard.)
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd moving on. Here's this week's entry:
Think you've got it?
KEEP READING "Bench or Tomb?!?"
11.09.08: "Breaking Into Television"
I originally had other plans for my Sunday, but then I decided that I'd rather smash apart my old school, super-not-flatscreen 40" TV into little pieces.
(Well, okay, the old girl died on me, and I couldn't countenance another week of seeing it sit all sad in the middle of my living room blocking my view of the more modest 30" TV that now takes its place.)
The smashing actually serves a utilitarian purpose. Despite the rumors, I don't have (a) super-strength or (b) a garbage/TV shoot in my apartment or (c) any immediately available "hey, you're big and strapping and have minimal social obligations, so why don't you come over to my apartment purely for the purpose of helping me carry absurdly large televisions down to the curb with me" friends.
So I smashed, and I documented, and away we go:
KEEP READING "Breaking Into Television"
11.08.08: "Halloween Flashback"
For those who were wondering, here's me in my Shaun of the Dead get up for Halloween:
And here's me trying (in vain) to do my best Simon Pegg expression, with a Simon Pegg headshot, side by side for comparison:
Which is which?!?
11.05.08: "President Barack Hussein Obama"
I'm never getting that T-shirt now.
I'll get over it, I guess.
According to Exit Polls, Barack won blacks, Barack won women, Barack won young people, Barack won the college educated.
By my math, that means that old, white men with minimal education broke hard for John McCain. (McCain just gave a really noble, heart felt, old-timey-McCain-style concession speech a little while ago, so that's the last cheap shot I'll take at him for a while.)
Wow. This is great stuff. I've very excited to be an American right now.
Now, he just needs to live up to the hype.
Fingers crossed.
11.04.08: "Countdown to the Election (D-Day)"
I'm going to say... 330+
11.01.08: "Countdown to a Novel (Revisions)"
I've still got a long way to go with the novel I'm writing (Percival Gynt and the Conspiracy of Days), but in commemoration of the first day of NaNoWriMo, I wanted to toss up something writery.
(Fun Fact #312: writer's get to make up their own words.)
Here's a quick set of questions I put together to help guide me through the ongoing editing/revision process:
- Are the characters consistent? engaging? distinct?
- Are the plot points clear? Are the individual moments clear?
- Is the exposition too heavy-handed? Does it stop the narrative in its tracks?
- Is the plot too slow paced?
- Is the description too flower/over the top? Is there anything jarring about the prose style? Are the shifts in tone jarring?
- Are any of the elements too derivative?
- Do any of the emotional moments fall flat or feel forced?
- Is any of the foreshadowing too jarring or too vague to be valuable?
- Are there clear stakes? Does the plot seem to wander too much?
- Who likes cookies?
(Fun Fact #313: the best writers always know who likes the cookies.)
10.28.08: "Countdown to the Election (T-Shirts)"
With just one week to go before this whole thing is finally over, the truth can now be told:
- I'm voting for John McCain.
Now, this may come as a shock to many of you who follow this website, and I'm sure you have a lot of questions. Like "why?" and "seriously, why?" and "duuude!" which is not a question but, hey, I'm not going to give you a hard time, when you're obviously in so much pain.
So why am I voting for John McCain?
KEEP READING "Countdown to the Election (T-Shirts)"
10.26.08: "Countdown to Halloween (Designs)"
When executing the perfect Halloween ensemble, prep work is essential. Step one is always "order a cricket bat off e-bay."
And so:
And when you put it all together, you get this:
Special thanks to PGIEC (Pretty Girl of Indeterminate Eye Color) for the use of her research materials.
10.25.08: "Gazebo Quest '08"
Here are the pictures from Gazebo Quest '08...
The heretofore assumed mythical gazebo is located at the Bristol Station stop on the SEPTA R7 line. (Near a statue of some civil war looking dude.)
KEEP READING "Gazebo Quest '08"
10.23.08: "Countdown to Halloween (Weapons)"
One of the great things about Halloween is that it's the only day of the year where you're allowed to carry a weapon (say a trident) around with you on the street, and nobody thinks it's weird. Nobody says, "Hey, why is that dude carrying a trident onto the 6 train?"
This year, I'm finally putting together my long-planned Shaun of the Dead costume. Here is the cricket bat I bought off of eBay that I could use to bludgeon you to death:
So... you know... don't get on my bad side on October 31st...
10.19.08: "The Question John McCain Can't Answer"
After watching Chris Wallace skip the obvious follow-up questions on Fox News Sunday earlier today, I feel the need to put forward the following obvious elephant-in-the-room question:
- Senator McCain, your vice-presidential candidate has said on multiple occasions that Senator Obama "pals around with terrorists." That's "terrorists," plural, implying that he has multiple associations with terrorists, when we know in fact that she is only referring to former radical Bill Ayers. She is deliberately misstating the truth to create a false impression about Senator Obama. In so-called robocalls to voters, your campaign has said that Senator Obama "has worked closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers." And while this is, as you've pointed out, factually accurate, you neglect to inform voters that he worked with Bill Ayers on a Republican-organized board of directors. The calls are deliberately phrased to mislead. They are deliberately phrased to make it sound like Senator Obama has conspired with a terrorist to commit terrorism, and you've approved of these calls at a time when you know that fringe elements are coming to your rallies and shouting words like "Treason!" and "Terrorist!" and "Kill him!" You are playing games with the truth while American citizens, however ignorant, however uninformed, are spewing hate and contemplating murder. You have attacked an American hero, congressman John Lewis, for drawing attention to these dangerous games, and you have called on Senator Obama to repudiate this American hero's words. My question for you, Mister McCain, is when will you repudiate your own heinous actions and the actions of your vice-presidential candidate and of your campaign?
My guess is that his answer would be, "It's a tough campaign. None of this would have happened if Barack Obama agreed to participate in 10 joint town hall appearances." So, to pin him down:
- Senator McCain, on being told that Barack Obama "pals around with terrorists," do you think that an uninformed voter would be more likely to conclude that Barack Obama knows a single terrorist or many terrorists?
And:
- Senator McCain, on being told that Barack Obama "worked" with a domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, do you think that an uninformed voter would be more likely to conclude that Barack Obama worked with him on a board of directors to reform the Chicago public schools or worked with him to commit terrorism?
He either lies and says the statements would not be misleading, or he admits the truth, or he says he's not sure, admitting unconscionable negligence.
Someone with a microphone please find him and ask him these questions.
10.09.08: "Week Off (Thursday)"
My internet has slowed to a crawl on my laptop, so I've taken to updating my website using my telephone. These troubles are partially the reason for the abbreviated update yesterday.
(Also, I managed a bit of writing. I finished a few more pages of my novel.)
I'm submitting this info from the road. I'm on my way to Bristol in search of a mythical gazebo.
More details if I find it.
Update: Success! More details and pictures to follow.
Update: Failure! Problems with computer. Pushing this to live on Saturday, 10/11.
10.08.08: "Week Off (Wednesday)"
Freudian Slip of the Day: "Across this country, this is the agenda I've set before my fellow prisoners." - John McCain, 2:33 EST
More later...
10.07.08: "Week Off (Tuesday)"
Off work all this week. Today, I'm going to try to get some cleaning done around the apartment. I also need to get rid of some old furniture that I'm planning on replacing.
And, if I'm lucky (i.e. not lazy), I may get some work done on the novel this evening...
In the meantime, here's a round-up of things I meant to blog about recently, but did not:
1.
For those wondering what the title of the next Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, means, it means the same thing as "Modicrum of Consolation." Another alternate title for the movie would be "Who Gives a Flying F--"
2.
Submitted for your approval. I call this one "Yeah, Cats."
3.
Sign on train:
You may say I'm quibbling, but I take issue with the fact that this sign is labeled "danger." Really, it should be labeled "good advice." See, if the sign was really describing danger, it would tell you what would happen if you got off the moving train. For instance, if the concern was that the train often passes tanks of water filled with sharks, the sign might read "Danger: Sharks." See, in the revised version, the sign tells you the SOURCE of the danger.
That's why I think that this sign should be relabeled "Danger: The Conductor Sometimes Opens The Doors While The Train Is Still Moving Because He's A Nasty Old Buzzard."
Moving on.
4.
One more sign:
For those with less than 2000/20 vision, the sign reads: "SAUSAGE MUFFIN WITH EGG 2 FOR $3.00 LIMIT 4 PER CUSTOMER, PER VISIT."
Now, as you can probably tell, this isn't official McDonald's signage. Clearly, this is the work of an aggrieved assistant manager with some time on his hands and a working copy of Print Shop Pro.
But I have to ask... Was hypothetical assistant manager being duly cautious in establishing the "LIMIT 4 PER CUSTOMER, PER VISIT." rule or was he forced to add the rule after an anarchic, aborted trial period?
In my head, I'm imagining that the guy from the Monopoly game showed up and said to himself, "2 for $3.00? Why that deal is too good to pass up! I shall take 50 million of them!"
And the hypothetical assistant manager, ever the clever Nellie, simply smiled and said, "Not a problem, Mister Monopoly. But I will need you to purchase those muffins as 12.5 million separate transactions."
5.
On MSNBC right now, President Bush is speaking to, um... I think a furniture warehouse...
I specifically tuned in this hour, because Chuck Todd was supposed to anchor an hour of debate preview chatter. My conclusion? George Bush doesn't like Chuck Todd.
10.06.08: "Week Off (Monday)"
As the year runs down, I find myself with several days of vacation that I need to burn through, so I've decided to take the week off.
I may go down to Philly later in the week, but I don't have specific plans, which I believe qualifies this as a tentative "staycation." Queue "staycation" jokes:
- His disgruntled wife nailed a NO STAYCANY sign to the front yard.
- The landlord was no thrilled with his new tennants that he demanded that they staycate the premises immediately.
- She knew her son wasn't doing drugs. She'd recognize that staycant expression anywhere.
Okay. Out of my system now. Promise.
This week I'm working off a to do list that I jotted down last night. The big accomplishments for Day One were "Buy Cat Food" and "Clean Litter Box." Huzzah!
I also watched a midday showing of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. One sentence review: "Why is Michael Cera cheating on Juno?"
Also also, I got a chance to watch John McCain's new stump speech on the C-SPAN. Mostly obnoxious drivel, but he got in a (seemingly) fair shot about Obama saying that he wouldn't raise taxes when running for state senate and then raising taxes on the folks making $40-some-thousand.
Assuming that's true, it does underscore the reality that Obama is unlikely to be able to do everything he wants and still keep taxes down. What's more likely (and non-surprising) is that he'll have to make compromises, pick and choose his priorities, respond to crises, and ultimately only fulfill X percentage of his campaign promises.
That's just how the world works. I'd rather that a politician go back on a campaign pledge than honor it and in so doing screw over the country. After all, there's a reason McCain's slogan isn't "Tax Cuts First."
And why is everybody so obsessed with tax cuts these days? We've already lowered tax cuts significantly since the 90s, and it hasn't helped the economy. And at the same time, we're throwing a way a trillion on Iraq, a trillion on the Wall Street bailout, we're not spending nearly enough to rebuild New Orleans after Katrina, there's still a hole in Southern Manhattan...
Obama has a solid lead in the polls right now, which you think would make me feel less anxious, but it actually makes me feel more so. ("More so" is not meant literally, as I would also feel "more so" anxious if he were tied or behind.)
Anyway, looking forward to the debate tomorrow.
More updates throughout the week. Coming up on my "to do" list: working on the novel; throwing out some old furniture; and if I have the time, I may just take a day trip to that gazebo on the lake along the Amtrack tracks to Trenton.
09.28.08: "Stoopid Media"
The media is stupid for many reasons, some of which are obvious and some of which are obvious-but-I'm-going-to-enumerate-them-below. To wit:
The media spends months saying "Wouldn't it be great to have a campaign about the issues?" while they obsess over everything but, as if they're slaves to every sound byte, gaffe, and scandal that flitters its way onto YouTube. In the Democratic Primary, there defense was, "Well, Hillary and Obama are so close on the issues. But when it comes to the General... Well, then you're gonna see us do our job!"
Well, not so much.
As the past few weeks have proven, it takes a real crisis to get the media to focus on issues. (But enough about the Palin-Couric interview! Zing!)
With the election less than 40 days away, with the economy in freefall, with Biden secretly travelling back in time to the 1920s to bring them FDR and the television (Zing!), the two major party candidates have finally had their first 90 minute debate, covering the afforementioned freefall economy, two wars, and the fate of the free-ish world...
...and what does the media make of all this?
"Kind of boring. Not enough sound bytes."
The pundits on the teevee are telling me that there were no "break out moments" and that it was a "snoozy" affair, because all the candidates did was talk about the... well... you know.
How about this:
(Forgive me for partially repeating myself, but I'm developing a meme.)
How about the media stops the self-loathing routine and actually puts their money where there mouths are. I mean, CNN and MSNBC and Fox have 24 hours to fill every day. How about they set aside one hour a day for a teevee show called "The Issues."
Every day you could cover a different issue. (Some issues might take a lot longer than one day to work through. That's okay.) You bring on experts who can make the best case for each side, free of partisan spin, free of rancor, and really focus on what's practical, what will work, and what will improve the lives of the American people. Separate fact from opinion from obfuscation and lies. Crystalize the reasons why reasonable people would disagree on key issues of the day and then turn it over to the American people to decide what they believe.
That would still leave 23 hours a day for the pundits, for the YouTube gotcha-ism, and for slow tracking shots of bears on the loose in the San Diego suburbs.
I suspect that cable news execs think the American public is too stupid, too shallow, too has-a-short-attention-span to appreciate a show like that. But we live in the most powerful democracy in the history of history, in a time of paradigmatic upheaval, and we face unprecedented challenges. I'd rather that we overestimate the American people and be wrong, than understimate us and be too late.