I—Drew Melbourne—am the greatest unpublished comic book writer in human history. Except maybe for William Shakespeare. I'm sure he would have been great. And Ernest Hemmingway. Hemmingway would have written a kick-ass CAPTAIN AMERICA.

And maybe Jesus.

But barring Will Shakespeare, Ernest Hemmingway, and the Son of God, I—Drew Melbourne—am the greatest unpublished comic book writer, ever.

And I'm probably funnier than Jesus.

Probably.